What’s Your Story?

Over time, as we have experiences of the world and learn from others, we pick up stories or beliefs about the world. Our stories are self-reinforcing. We filter out sensory information that doesn’t correspond. This is right in the brain mechanism – current input is compared to memory before it even becomes conscious. So new experiences tend to continue to reinforce the old and they tend to get stronger with age. This is perfectly normal and mostly sub-conscious. It is how we function in the world and become better drivers, workers, and lovers.

Without our stories, we would be seriously handicapped. In fact, we would not be able to make sense of our sensory experiences. They would be a jumble of data, much as a newborn sees the world, or a toddler sees the alphabet.

The problem arises when we use stories to resist or deny what is here. Or when we sustain a belief that was once true but no longer serves us. This puts us out of sync with the world and leads directly to suffering.

When we pay attention to how we’re responding to life, then we can be more conscious about the stories or beliefs we’re running. Listen to the stories we tell others. Is it true? Really? Or are we telling a fish story that grows in time? And the more we tell it, the more we believe it because telling it helps make it more real. Ask yourself – how is this story serving you?

At first, you’ll mostly catch yourself after the fact, after the story is told. Then, you’ll notice during, perhaps because of the emotional tone you feel. You begin to recognize the process. Finally, you’ll recognize the story as it arises, by its emotional signature, and you can choose to drop it. Then, in resolving the emotion, the belief loses its substance.

Note this isn’t an intellectual exercise. We can’t fix a story with another story, although we might be able to obscure it. Many of us have layered stories, stories to account for or justify other stories. It is this tendency that makes the process of unwinding more complex, like peeling an onion.

Because our resisting beliefs create energy blockages and restrict flow, over time they cause us discomfort and eventually disease. As Rev. Mary Hennessey said “what you don’t heal will eat you from the inside.” They also put us out of sync with the world, leading to more bumps in our journey. Thus this is not an idle issue.
Davidya

What Supports Happiness?

Really the question should be: What gets in the way of Happiness? Happiness is innate, it is the subjective experience of the flow of life itself. If we are alive, simply being, we should be happy. It’s our natural state. You’ll notice it shows up naturally when we open, like in awe or in love.

But it does move in the depths of our being. So the sheaths (koshas) or veils between our “bliss body” and the other layers of our experience need to be fairly clear.

From the kosha perspective, the first body is Annamaya or the food body. What we put in our mouth, its volume and its suitability are the difference between a plugged up system and a clear one. The body has great intelligence on what it needs if we don’t confuse it or overload it. We may need to learn to listen though.

The second body is the Pranamaya, the vital body, also known as the astral or emotional. This is another body that is often plugged up, but with unresolved traumas that cloud our feelings. Same rules as above. The tendency to excess (food, drink, activity, etc) is one way people try to mask how they feel. Avoidance is another but these don’t exactly support happiness.

Manonmaya comes next, the lower mind. This is the home of thoughts and identification. Out of touch with our source, we become ego-identified and build a false self-construct. We believe ourselves to be in control to feel safe. This creates a false barrier to who we are and what is here. Of course, Self Realization is the resolver of this trap.

You may have noticed by now that the bodies have a relationship with the chakras, the above being first to third. This isn’t one to one but there is close ties.

Vijnanamaya is the next. This is the intuitive mind and discrimination. While we do have to awaken this value within and remove some crusts, it is not typically as polluted or stuck as the lower energies.

And thus we come to Anandamaya, the bliss body. The prior sheaths don’t have to be perfectly clear. Just unfogged enough for the bliss to shine through. And then we’ll find happiness is indeed our birthright. It is only for us to prepare the way.

Readers of this blog know that the best way to clear the decks is transcendence (samadhi). When we practice an effortless meditation, we regularly touch down into source. That gives the body deep rest, allows feelings to release, and breaks the boundaries of the mind. Of course, we’ll still have healing to do through conscious attention. But meditation will lighten the load considerably.
Davidya

The Rose List

I first became aware of Rose Rosetree through her interview on Buddha at the Gas Pump (Batgap). She’s all about subtle perception and healing and developing skills for same. Her tag-line is “Reading People Deeper and Healing with Energy Spirituality“

As I’m exploring models of awakening, I was fascinated by the idea that her “energetic literacy” allows a person to read if someone is enlightened or not. I know a small number of people who can see this and can help people past their last barriers. As this is a potent way to support others and opens the door to objective ways to study transpersonal development, the ability to learn it was intriguing. But evaluating such a unique vision is not a simple matter.

She sees the stages very similarly to how I do. But she determines the shift quite differently, through auras. By auras though, she don’t necessarily mean coloured light around the body but rather energetic signatures. Light is only one aspect of that.

She describes an enlightened person as having a “stabilized, habitual state of consciousness with certain characteristics that would be easy to identify for someone with Stage Three Energy Literacy.” She refers to “databanks” in each chakra and said they’d all be working well, are relatively balanced, and are free of “stuff” – her term for astral or emotional debris. The aura will also be permeated with the divine in some way and there will be a value of joy from that connection.

In other words, the personal crud is cleared and they are feeling the divine. A dry Self Realization would not make the cut.

She’s rather fearless about calling a spade a spade and tells it like she sees it. A few teachers she mentions as being enlightened but having messed up (including ones she’s studied with).  A few others she mentions as awake but not enlightened, even if they say otherwise. I’d agree there are some who have recognized the Self but not become it yet. I was such for many years. And there’s a difference between Self Realization and its mature state, sat chit ananda (absolute bliss consciousness).

At first, I wondered if she was reading sattva development rather than atman. But her comments suggest more. “Permeated with the divine in some way” suggests a deep perception. Earlier, I had the impression that there was a standard underlying energetic process in enlightenment. The chakras are awakened and we connect with source in the crown. Advanced stages unfold during a decent. Some teachers and kundalini traditions follow this model. However, others experience the stages during the rise and there are kundalini traditions that support that as well. And so on. She has apparently recognized this variety in the results.

The List
The result of her reads is her Enlightenment Life List, people she’s rated as Enlightened by the above criteria. Unexpectedly, it includes some famous people like Obama, the Clintons, and George Clooney. Shades of Men in Black! (laughs) From comments, it would seem that being in the larger public eye can raise someones consciousness. (a group consciousness effect?) But I’ve never explored that. In most cases I’ve seen, people who are enlightened know they are. I have met a few who were unsure. But once verified, their progress accelerated.

Rose indicates that when she started expanding the edge of energetic literacy into enlightenment, she didn’t meet the standard herself. Also, as she’s more heart driven, there is less conceptual precision. Plus it’s kind of an organic unfolding like this blog, rather than a presentation of a fully formed teaching. But as Rick Archer (Batgap) said to me, “she’s a sweetheart, making her much-needed contribution.“

Of course, making pronouncements about others is tricky territory. David Hawkins, of Power vs Force fame, is notorious for having rated many famous teachers, all of whom he rated as lower than himself, save Jesus. His ratings are considered infallible by himself & adherents. (he’s a no on Rose’s list) There are also some guru rating sites that are essentially trash-em lists.

Rose’s approach doesn’t fall into these traps but is instead a simple is or isn’t (yet). She says it’s about clarity rather than judgment. And offering examples for students to read. But a few issues still come to mind. For example, it’s not the person who is enlightened. It is the Self that wakes up to itself, through an apparent person. Making a list of names points to the person. But addressing that requires only a caveat. She talks about some of this here.

It’s useful to note here that she differentiates Householder and Renunciate enlightenment. A renunciate is Neti Neti (not this, not this) oriented whereas a householder still very much engages their person as an aspect of their expression. If this difference isn’t clear and a householder tries to play a middle ground, they succeed at neither. I’ll write more on this later.

Secondly, her process is by perception which can be fallible. The perception is also reading the effects of awakening not the awakening itself. She does however mention a few exceptions who appear to meet criteria but have issues that overshadow that development. She also notes it’s her read and opinion. No absolutes stated. That’s a good sign.

Clearly, it depends on the skill and experience of the reader. As I don’t have these skills, I’m keeping an open mind to get a better sense of what this is. I’ve bought her book Aura Reading Through All Your Senses but have just started it. She’s since recommended more recent books to me, like Read People Deeper. Thus, this article is more a work in progress than a review.

Here’s a good article on how her outlook evolved. She also talks about what she sees as the 10 most significant things about enlightenment there.

Meanwhile
Meanwhile, I commented on her blog a few times. One she quite liked and moved forward to a more recent post, then offered to read me for her list.

I found the exercise interesting as it looks to the question from a different angle than usual and confirms a couple of subjective impressions.

As prior posts mention, I’ve stayed pretty low key about who I am here, for various reasons. And awakening really isn’t about a person anyway. So it was a consideration if this was even appropriate. But now I sit at #180 on her list. (laughs)

I’ll do some more reading & exploring before I have better handle on the techniques she teaches. She certainly has a unique vision and some excellent insights. If her processes are as effective as she suggests, they could be quite useful in a number of ways.

Meanwhile, we’ve exchanged blogroll links. 
Davidya

Holy Now

There is a curious gap in western spiritual dialogue. We talk of awakening and we talk of oneness. What of the awakening heart and the unfolding of celestial perception known as God Consciousness? We have great examples from the poetry of Rumi or William Blake but what of modern renditions? Not so well known.

While thousands have awoken, many are only just beginning to discover what comes next. Here’s a lovely example from Peter Mayer, Holy Now.

Here’s a link to him singing it live.

His web site

Souls, Groups, and Flames

An interesting discussion came up in a forum and I thought it useful to touch on a few things around souls and soul connections. Not a topic I’d want to over-emphasize, but it’s useful to have some clarity.

Souls
I’ve discussed the soul on this site a few times, such as in Seat of the Soul or the Soul’s Past. There are other things people may point to and call the soul but to me, it’s the golden-white light in the heart space. It is connected to the divine with a silver thread out the top of the head and leaves the body when it dies. All life-forms have one to some degree.

The life force (prana, chi) expresses itself through various means, including energy centres and our physiology. As the first link above talks about, there is also a life-spark in the head. Yogananda called this the soul. To me, the soul is the larger light in the heart.

Name
Each soul has a name, an energetic or vibratory signal that may be heard or felt. It is quite unpronounceable with a mouth and is much more subtle than a spoken word. This has also been called the “true name” and our given names curiously often reflect phonemes from it. This is also distinct from different kinds of spiritual names but again, there can be a connection.

Soul Groups
While the karmic connections between souls are complex and intertwined, we typically will travel through lives with some people from a shared journey. Sometimes the connection is driven by resolving incomplete desires and feelings from prior time together. Sometimes, we’re brought together in shared purpose. Or both. We tend to feel a resonance or sense of connection with people in our soul group, like they’re familiar before we get to know them. But if not, circumstances pull you together until you do. If the connection is strong, it may bring with it expectations of who they are from the past. But their present life may or may not reflect that.

In his Essene Mirrors talk, Gregg Braden points out that attraction does not necessarily mean you should have an intimate relationship. It may simply mean there is something to resolve between you. Or they can bring you the key to the next step in your growth. Resonance with an awake person is also a great way to awaken spiritually.

Of course, there can also be relationships that show up to resolve karma that may not have a soul group connection. And you’re more likely to connect with your group when you’re living to purpose.

Twin Flames and Soul-Mates
I’ve heard a lot of nonsense and variability around these terms. Some use “soul-mate” to mean a good friend or wife. Or to mean our “one true love.” I use the term soul-mate to describe souls we have a strong, close resonant connection with. Someone we have a lot of ancient history with. As such, we can have several soul-mates. They may not become lovers. They may not be at the same point in life or even on the same plane of life as we are. But the connection will be strong. They may even push buttons for us and find us both attracted and repelled.

If we long for “the one true love”, I would suggest that is actually the Divine as no human can ever do more than be a vehicle for Divine love. A relationship based on that makes for a wonderful connection but we’re recognizing the Divine in each other, as the Namaste greeting represents.

Similarly, some describe our “twin flame” as the one true love. That is rather idealized, unfortunately. Love is boundless and eternal so is never limited by this or that form. Along with the twin flame concept is the idea that our souls were split in 2 and will never be whole unless we find our twin. Again, it is spirit that will make us whole, not a person. And the soul is a focus or spark of the Divine. It is never divided, spilt or broken. It may become lost to our awareness, but it is never lost to itself or the Divine. This is similar to the idea of “soul fragments”. We may certainly feel unintegrated, like parts of ourselves are spread about, our energy scattered through time and space. But the soul itself remains undivided. (“he who should not be named” included)

While I’ve not experienced this fully, the experience suggests your twin flame is born together with you as a pair and your lives flow juxtaposed and balanced. Just as there is a thread that rises out of your crown to connect you to the Divine, so too there is a thread from the heart connecting you with your pair. This does not however mean you’ll spend a lot of lives together. Only that you’ll balance each other. As another observed, we’ll usually be better able to serve apart from each other or we won’t be balancing. One fellow suggested you’d know each other in only about .3% of lives and have an intimate relationship in a fraction of those. Can’t speak to the accuracy of that and I’m sure it varies, but it gives you an idea. Another idea is that the twin flame shows up in your final human lifetime.

It’s worth noting that some people are “fallen” angels. As such, their twin may be an angel. That certainly limits the relationship possibilities. 

Again, this does not mean you cannot have profoundly intimate and loving relationships with a soul-mate or 2. But if we really want the eternal juice, we’ll only find that in the Divine.

Guardians
Guardian angels are other beings that we have a long soul-level relationship with. Friends Forever we can count on. They are themselves part of groups or teams with a hierarchical structure rising to the Divine. But their work is with us. Clearly, life is a sea of interconnectedness in a field of oneness.

How could it be otherwise? 
Davidya

Emotions and Energy

When I read about Non-Violent Communication (NVC) in the past, I saw it as a way to help resolve conflict between groups. I hadn’t seen it as a healing tool, especially not for self-talk. But it’s actually excellent for getting clear in communication in general, including with yourself. What are the facts and feelings, what is the judgement and blame? And how can we meet needs and come to satisfaction? (I review the steps here)

Another key point is that if you try to “figure out” what will make you happy with logic (left brain), you’ll likely miss the target. This is because our emotional needs are emotionally driven. We have to use feelings to identify the unmet needs. You CAN get satisfaction, in spite of what Mick Jagger sang.  

Recently, I took an NVC-based workshop. It included some of the science behind our emotional state. For example, the Vagus nerve running in front of the spinal column has 3 channels.

The Dorsal, closest to the spine, drives our Freeze response. It mutes our response time and brings emotional states like shame, sadness, overwhelm, and confusion. We also go there when we’re badly injured. External symptoms include loss of muscle tone in the upper back and difficulty meeting people’s eyes (it’s not just psychological). Broadly, we tend to feel numb and disconnected from the body.

The second channel is our Fight/Flight alarm channel. That can express as anger, frustration, and so forth. Blood rushes to the limbs and away from the prefrontal cortex (higher mind) and digestive system. We become faster but stupider. Chronically, this activation we experience as anxiety.

You can divide the “Feelings when your needs are not satisfied” from the Feelings & Needs Inventories (pdf) into these 2 channels.

The third or Vental channel is operating when we feel safety and are socially engaged. Our brain hemispheres are more balanced [and nostril breathing] and we’re face focused. Much easier to meet needs in this mode.

If you’re familiar with the 3 gunas, these easily align. Tamas (inertia), Rajas (fire), and Sattva (evenness). When this pattern shows up, you know you’re looking at fundamentals.

On a constant basis, our amygdala inside the brain checks if we’re safe and OK. If not, we shift into the first or second channels. The amygdala is what holds the emotional charge in memory. It requires a single exposure. It has no time stamp and thus creates an eternal ever-present past. And emotional charge. This is our implicit and largely unconscious memory.

Behind the amygdala is the Hypocampus. It retains explicit memory after multiple exposures that is factual & timestamped. It tracks them for 3 years until they migrate to the cortex as long-term memory.

Together, the 2 bring us both the facts and emotions associated with various memories. However, during trauma, the hypocampus goes off-line, leaving only the timeless charge. If we’re able to name the feeling state though, the memory becomes explicit & conscious. At first it can be a little muddled but it gets clear with practice and clearing the backlog.

We also explored the evolving understanding of the brain hemispheres. If we carry a lot of unresolved trauma, our right brain can become like a “jungle.” Thus, we favour the left and control, detail, and judgment or blame. It’s a way to resist pain and feel safer. If we become disassociated, the right hemisphere goes quiet.

From an energetic standpoint, we’re talking about the lower 3 chakras. Safety, emotions, and lower mind.

Parents who are stressed and action-driven are typically left-brain dominant. The left brain sees others as tools & objects. (objectification) They’ll see their child as a collection of tasks for them. Such parents will expect specific careers, good grades, status and accomplishment. The child will often feel unseen and unknown, not received. Many teenagers thus balk and rebel at apparently pointless expectations and unmet needs. If the parent is barely functional, we learn to stay small and disassociative in dorsal mode. The worst of course is when parents visit their traumas on their children.

It’s also useful to note that children don’t even have the left brain orientation engage until ~2 years old. It doesn’t fully develop until around 6 so parental feedback is taken in as fact, including any shaming control measures. We may learn it’s safest to be invisible by functioning from the dorsal. Self-shaming becomes automatic.

Other kids stay more in fight/flight and thus lash out at others, perhaps becoming the bully. They find it easier to be in hate than shame. Adults can be the same way.

With such examples, we have to relearn natural relating techniques. Hence the role of NVC. If we ask others for empathy when we’re not feeling alive and in the body, there is no one there to accept it. We’re energetically closed. We have trouble receiving and will find it easier to  give than receive. Often, we’re habitually trying to be invisible while asking to be seen so our needs don’t get met. We have to be awake and alive within to receive.

On the flip side, if we know we’re supported, it’s difficult to stay in shame or anger. Make sure that the people you hang out with can receive you, where self-expression is safe. You want 2-way relationships and you may need to learn to invite them. If you’re invisible (closed lower centres) you will be felt as unavailable by others.

When we’re relating and are not received (tuned out, subject change, talked over), how do we respond? Acceptance? Others may sometimes need a nudge. Do we repeat ourselves? Or do we ask for acknowledgement? If it still doesn’t work, there isn’t really a relationship taking place. It’s more like 2 toddlers who play near each other but have not learned to relate yet. They are together but separate.

The Energy Side
The techniques the workshop used to help heal skirted the edge of going into the mud of emotions. I would consider this the hard way. NVC is very useful for identifying emotional states. We can use them as signals for things to resolve. We want to allow feelings to arise and complete (resolve the charge). But we don’t want to wade into them – it’s a subtle but huge difference. Wading into the feelings amplifies them and can make them more real. For our shadow, it’s wading into the mud.

Emotions are the subjective experience of energy states. In energy healing you resolve the underlying energy blockage or resistance and thus resolve the resulting emotional effects (not to mention the karma). Thus energy healing is deeper and more effective than the drama.

When you learn energy healing, the first thing you learn is how to ground and not take on the energy you’re trying to resolve. Becoming more energy-aware allows us to resolve the root dynamics. While we still may experience a wave of emotion, we don’t have to wade into the trauma, just let it go. Watch it go by.

This process is also much simpler. For example, for a particularly big one, the teacher ended up engaging over a dozen other people as support plus engaging some role-playing. I can see the way this allowed the individual to feel safe and release, but the complexity and skill required to do such healing is much higher.

The exercises also made reference to being in the “resonant witness.” There was no inquiry or other techniques to make this more conscious and not everyone is aware enough of their own awareness for this to be valid. But being in an observer state makes watching the emotions go by much easier.

It’s also worth noting that if we learn to work with our internal energy environment, we can meet the majority of our emotional needs internally. They are simple energy states that can be adjusted with attention. I talked about this back on Feeling is Believing.

There is perhaps a ways to go from being deep in shame to being energy-aware and in a witness state. But having the support of others and some simple techniques can really help.

For a good introduction to energy healing, I’d suggest the Dreamhealer books, especially #2. His workshops are an excellent practical experience but are mostly in Canada.

From there, you can learn to feel and read energy and to ground and protect yourself. There are quite a few modalities around. Many such healers have studied several and integrated various features. But the key is simplicity. Energy is simple. It’s moving or not, it’s smooth, harsh, or sluggish (the gunas again), and so forth.

Most importantly, we can learn to heal ourselves.
Davidya

Non-Violent Communication

Much of our emotional pain and struggles in life are due to unmet needs. These have developed through resistance and denial of what is and being trained that some emotions are unacceptable. This is most obvious in relationship troubles where we’re expecting our partner to meet those needs. However, this is often an unconscious process – we don’t even know what those needs actually are, except maybe generally. How can we then ask for them properly? Nor do we properly distinguish between needs (non-negotiable) and wants (flexible). We end up projecting blame and judgement on others. Conflict and disappointment are the inevitable result. And a desire for control.

This judgement and positioning mode is so common in our culture that even professional helpers don’t recognize it. In fact, it’s built into our language. For example, depression has become classed as a mental illness when in most cases it is the simple consequence of missing self-skills. We don’t even know that, just as physical pain is a signal something is off, so too “negative” emotions are a sign of energetic discord and unmet needs. Needs that can be directly addressed if recognized. Rosenberg on the subject. (Youtube)

Poor skills have made it acceptable to shame others and lay on guilt trips and make having feeling bad. Many don’t even think happiness is safe. But we all feel so it’s better to develop some decent emotional skills. Otherwise we’re walking bags of crud, ready to explode and radiating disturbance in our body and the community.

With the right skills and self-empathy, we can actually meet many of those needs ourselves internally. But others behaviour still has an impact on our experience of life so good tools to resolve conflict and communicate better can be potent.

I’ll shortly be taking an empathy workshop based on the principles of non-violent communication (NVC). I thought it worth reviewing the main points prior, which lead to this.

NVC is about shifting from a divisive will-based stand to communicating with a feelings-based empathy model. It’s also called compassionate communication. In any communication, you listen empathetically and express honestly. This happens in a simple 4 stage process, paraphrased.

1) Observations – Rather than evaluating and judging which we’re often cultured to do, we simply state factually the behaviours and conditions that are impacting us. This steps out of blame, but the listener has to recognize this or they’ll immediately be defensive.

2) Feeling – we name the feelings that result. Because of the above, I feel ______.
You need the mind to name the feeling but not its judgment. You want to identify internal feeling states. There is no right or wrong here. Being able to name the emotion without moral judgment enables a connection of mutual respect and cooperation rather than blame and defence.

3) Needs – what do we need to resolve the feelings? What needs are not being met? These unmet needs are what is triggering unpleasant emotions. NVC has a short list of emotions and needs that serve as a handy reference. Needs are pretty universal. They are not tied to a specific person or individual. Pleasant emotions like happiness and peace arise when our needs are met.

4) Requests – State what we want (not don’t want), as a request. Be clear and specific. This is not a demand which brings emotional pressures, like guilt. As a request, the other person must be able to say no or propose an alternative. You take responsibility for getting your own needs met, and you let them take responsibility for theirs. You want voluntary consent or it’s just another conflict.

With enough self-empathy, you can ask in spirit. And you can use internal techniques I talked about here.

For some, this may seem pointless or primitive, especially if you’re a man. But it’s a remarkable re-framing if we’re willing to explore. Get out of the head a little and find out whats happening in the feeling space. If it’s confused or numb, there’s some resolving to do.

You can use this in relationship and within yourself. When you follow the named feeling back to the unmet need, it may surprise you. Whats been bugging you (the unmet need) may not be what you thought it was at all. It’s always about you.

These feelings and needs are not complex. The primary ones NVC lists are around a dozen each.

[Update: Feelings & Needs Inventories (pdf, 833k)]

A lot of communication is just saying Please and Thank You: Please meet my need and Thank You for that. But it so often is masked in stories and drama and thus brings mixed results for everyone.

With a little practice – and it will need practice as the old habits can be persistent – it can change our relationships and satisfaction significantly. Here’s a wiki on how to practice it.

And here’s a clip on Empathy

As the saying goes, peace begins within.
Davidya

Healing Perfection

I’ve noted that people’s life passion often arises out of what they had to overcome or heal. In a sense our mission may be fueled by what we don’t want or what we want to help others avoid or overcome. Thus we become seekers, psychologists, helpers, and healers.

In another forum, this came up in the context of spiritual teachers. Byron Katie apparently said that she still teaches “because she realized that some aspects of the Self have not yet been integrated.” This is similar to the idea that a teacher learns more than the student. Much the same way, I write as a process of clarification and integration and have found that sharing this is valued by others.

The commenter observed that everyone in a satsang who shows up is a part in the process of being made whole, including the teacher. A good healer or therapist or teachers job is to heal what shows up in whatever form. You may recognize the related idea of Ho’oponopono. Heal within what is showing up outside and both are healed. This is seeing the Self in all.

This cannot take place on the level of mind. If a teacher sees themselves as the “realized one”, they divide themselves from students and fail to support this process. Many teachers don’t recognize this dynamic at all. Similarly, if we see teacher or God as other or more than ourselves, we artificially divide. We’re all in this together.

A non-dualist may balk at such statements. They may deny any healing should take place as reality is only whole and perfect. And while this is true, when wholeness experiences itself as identified or attached or ill, then some healing can take place in a return to wholeness. It may seem a paradox but if you recognize there is only literally one of us here, it makes more sense. The paradox is resolved in true oneness.

The time real healing takes is directly related to the depth of surrender. Surrender isn’t something we do but rather allow. We let go of the grip or resistance and what is already whole replaces it. You may better relate to this as stress – a cause or complicating factor in the majority of physical and emotional illness.

When surrender is deep enough there is an awakening. As it deepens, more and more wholeness arises. What I call stages unfold.

The apparent individual processes the integration of what remains to be integrated, heals what remains to be healed, and releases what remains to be released. In that process, we see activity that might be called satsang or teaching or healing.

There is perfection in wholeness and healing in the coming together of the parts into wholeness.
Davidya

Feeling is Believing

Recently, I did another workshop on working with your energy centres with Nancy Shipley Rubin. It was part 2 of the “solution field” process we learned last fall.

While the workshop covered all chakras, I’ll focus on the 2nd here. It plays a key role in our experience of life and our ability to create what we’re seeking. The second is the main energy centre for our emotional sheath, also called the astral or vital body. It’s also where we tend to carry the most baggage. The related third drives the lower mind and will, that which names and judges. It is also the lower protector or guardian.

Unmet Needs
Much of our disappointment in life is from unmet emotional needs. Out of touch with ourselves, we unconsciously project our needs into the world and seek them externally. Expecting others to somehow mind-read what we don’t recognize in ourselves, the world fails us repeatedly.

When someone else is projecting on us, it takes a lot of strength not to get caught in it. Ironically, if we close our energy in protection (common for most of us), our energy will amplify their projections, reflecting it back. This of course amplifies conflict and discord too. To just be able to see it as their projection of unmet needs profoundly changes relationships. (not that I’m well-practiced at that)

Many relationships fail because of unconscious needs that cease being fed by the other person due to changing circumstances and growth.

Yet if we can learn the simple ways to resolve internal conflict and repressed feelings, we can clear the way to meet our emotional needs internally. For example, we can’t project when we’re grounded and present. And wouldn’t you like to be happy for no reason? Happiness is part of our nature and will arise if we cleanse the emotions.

This is not to say we shouldn’t love and express feelings, only that this is a giving and sharing rather than a co-dependency. When we don’t depend on another for basic emotional needs, our inner life settles markedly. But this requires skills, like learning to tell the difference between our old baggage (unmet or unresolved) and what we’re feeling now (new).

What we feel, we believe
Like seeing is believing, what we experience directly we tend to believe. However, events can trigger emotional memories that feel real but may no longer be true. Like that we’re bad or unworthy. They have a kind of “magnetic” quality, due to embedded desires. They are the story of what was not met in the past. And they continue to filter our perception of ourselves, others and the world. In some ways, beliefs are named emotions with ideas attached.

This causes us to live driven from the past and from avoidance rather than from what is here in front of us. It also tends to create life dominated by what is unmet (used to want) rather than what we want now. Emotional literacy helps us become aware of our internal dynamics and differentiate between a triggered memory, resistance, and what is actually here now.

Inversely, if we’ve repressed our feelings and don’t feel the dynamics, we’ll tend to try and force things, striving and pushing against what is. This is more common for men. ‘Real boys don’t cry.’ And if you can’t relate to this, numbness is an emotion too, a good sign of long-term overwhelm.

Where do we feel it coming from? What is the “tone” of the feeling? Does it feel forced or resistant? Is it a natural response to circumstance we can let flow through us? If it’s not clear, a reality check may be helpful. Talk it out with someone not involved for perspective. It can take time to resolve an emotion fog. But it’s more than worth it.

One belief we do want to have is that feeling good is safe. Many such beliefs are quite healthy. But many messages we got out of anger or to correct childhood behaviour may no longer serve us.

Conflicting Beliefs
We all experience areas of life that move well and other areas that are bumpier. These bumpy spots indicate we have unresolved emotional dynamics (aka karma) that create a conflict between our higher and lower selves. Nancy called this a “warble.” Where our higher self is open to what is unfolding but our lower self is hesitant and blocking that flow. In a way, we hold both the problem and the solution in a duality rather than letting the solution through. Old past belief-experiences get in the way of solution. But curiously, even familiar suffering can feel safer than the change of opening to happiness. With the familiar, we feel safe and in control even if we feel bad. Or nothing.

Feelings, even fear, are not the enemy. They are life’s richness. Fear and anger are often a form of protection. They are not a problem in themselves. It is the attempt to resist, suppress and control emotions and not let them resolve that makes them an issue. This doesn’t mean dwell in the muck but rather allow them to complete and leave. When we face a large trauma or change, it is natural for it to take time to heal. But we need to give it that time and not repress.

Because we often experience others as emotionally fickle and unable to meet our needs, we may come to distrust love. I’ve met many in my age group who have become ambivalent. But love isn’t a second chakra emotion. It’s the divine in focus and flow. Love is simple and unattached. What we love will grow in our hearts. Love based on needs is not really love. This is why we can love someone but not like them.

When the higher and lower are in sync, we experience the smooth flow of the formless into form. What we know the feel of, we can create. Do you know what hope actually feels like? Safety? Feeling is the energy before form and what sustains our world. What do you feel?

These points were only a small part of the other chakras we also discussed and experienced. But they are key things to get to know in ourselves. Especially for a guy. Real guys do cry – especially out of happiness.
Davidya

Some Quotes

Ran into a small stash of good quotes today

“Even after seeing the pain and sorrow of people, merely saying, “I am  the Self. I am beyond all this,” instead of trying to console and help them, is not Advaita. Such people are neither Vedantins nor religious. Any Vedantic study or religious belief is meaningless unless it moves one to console the distressed, to wipe away their tears, and, forgetting oneself, to offer oneself as their support and shelter.” ~  Amma

“Everyone sees the unseen in proportion to the clarity of their heart, and that depends upon how much they have polished it.” ~ Rumi

“Completion comes when we not just wake up from all form, from all identification, but when love causes us to re-embrace it all.” ~ Adyashanti

“Not all awakening is the same. There are different qualities of awakening. Not everybody awakens to the same thing. The idea that everyone awakens to the same thing is sort of a myth. A misunderstanding. It’s actually quite rare that someone awakens to the whole of Reality all at once. Usually we get a piece of it. Of course any piece of the whole feels like the whole. If you bump into any aspect of reality, every aspect feels complete, because in a certain sense, every aspect is complete.  So reality always comes with it. A felt sense of completeness. Of totality. That unequivocal sense of “This is it”. That’s how it feels. And also that can lead to certain misunderstandings. We often awaken to certain aspects of reality. Rather than awaken to the whole of it all at once. The deception is that each aspect feels like the whole. And so you may just get attached to an aspect and think it’s the whole. See what I mean? It’s like getting hold of a foot of an elephant and thinking you’ve got hold of the whole elephant.” – Adyashanti