Core Values

What do you stand for? What are the values you operate from? One of the churches in my area is doing a survey of the community to set their Core Values. When you know your Core Values, decisions on projects, funding, priorities and so forth become much easier. Priorities, goals and practices all flow out of ones values. And they allow an organization to set their Vision and Mission as well.

You may see such exercises as meaningless drivel. There are any number of organizations with fancy mission statements that are largely meaningless and unknown to most staff. But if you wonder at your own purpose or mission, you may find it useful to consider what your Core Values are first. These values flow out of your purpose so can help to illuminate it. It’s also always worth being conscious of what’s driving you, what your passions arise from.

Here are a few dozen. Mark or make a list of the ones that strike you as important. What you value, believe in or find meaning in. Don’t spend a lot of time thinking about “good” ones. Focus on what feels important to you personally. Remember, you’re not looking for skills or desires but rather what you value, what has meaning for you. You may have similar words you prefer or other words altogether. Add them to your list.

	Accessibility		Fairness		Involvement		Quality
	Accomplishment		Faith		Joy		Rationality
	Accountability		Fame		Justice		Recognition
	Adventure		Family		Knowledge		Rehabilitation
	Appreciation		Fitness		Leadership		Relationships
	Authenticity		Flair		Learning		Reliability
	Autonomy		Flexibility		Love		Resourcefulness
	Beauty		Forgiveness		Loyalty		Respect
	Charity		Freedom		Meaning		Responsibility
	Clarity		Friendship		Merit		Responsiveness
	Cleanliness		Fun		Mobility		Rule of law
	Collaboration		Generosity		Non-violence		Safety
	Commitment		Global view		Nurturing		Security
	Communication		Goodness		Openness		Self-reliance
	Community		Gratitude		Opportunity		Service
	Compassion		Growth		Optimism		Sexuality
	Competence		Happiness		Order		Simplicity
	Cooperation		Harmony		Organization		Sincerity
	Courage		Health		Originality		Spiritual Growth
	Creativity		Heritage		Patience		Spiritual Practice
	Curiosity		Heroism		Peace		Stability
	Decisiveness		Honesty		Persistence		Strength
	Dependability		Honor		Personal growth		Style
	Determination		Hope		Perspective		Success
	Discipline		Humor		Philosophy		Support
	Discovery		Imagination		Play		Synergy
	Diversity		Inclusiveness		Pleasure		Teamwork
	Duty		Independence		Positive attitude		Tolerance
	Education		Influence		Power		Tradition
	Efficiency		Initiative		Practicality		Tranquility
	Empathy		Inner peace		Preservation		Trust
	Empowerment		Innovation		Prestige		Truth
	Environment		Inspiration		Pride		Variety
	Equality		Integrity		Productivity		Vision
	Excellence		Intelligence		Prosperity		Wellness
	Expression		Intuition		Purity		Wisdom

Once you have a list, narrow it down to about 5-7. If you have very similar words like Truth and Honesty, consider which is the Core or Root value for you. The idea is to find the values that are most important to you. They are the essence of your greatest priorities.

By being conscious of your values, you gain insight into your beliefs and motivations. It makes setting priorities more straightforward and you can make better choices. When you’re faced with a decision, you can ask yourself which choice meets your values.

“The ideals which have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth.” – Albert Einstein

“It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” – Roy Disney (Walt’s older brother and the Disney financier)

If you want to go deeper, you can put the Values in priority order and explore how you want them expressed in your life. What are the results and behaviours you see if you’re acting from Clarity, for example?

You can then consider how this translates into a Vision for your life. Several years ago, when I wrote Expressing Purpose, I spoke of Core Values arising out of Purpose. But if we’re trying to discover Purpose, we can also work from Core Values back to uncover our Purpose. The article also points to one’s Vision and Mission.

What do you value most?
Davidya

5 Love Languages

Recently, I read a book that I found unexpectedly potent so I thought I’d share it with you. I’d heard the term “love language” but didn’t really have much context. Then, while visiting a friend’s cabin this summer, I ran into the book. It’s called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This edition was subtitled How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. You may have seen it as it’s been around since ’92 in various editions.

The basic idea is that there are several “languages” of love. Each of us understands and expects expressions of love in a certain primary form. If we don’t receive it that way, we won’t recognize it as such and our emotional “tank” will drain. We’ll cease feeling loved and respond accordingly. Same with out partner. Unfortunately, most of this happens unconsciously. But if we know our “love language”, we can ask our partner to support us in that way and we can support them through their language. Our tanks become filled and we will have lots to share.

We’re talking about the love that emerges after the “in love” infatuation phase passes and we move into a more mature relationship. How we are in instinctive courtship does not reflect how we’ll be in long-term relationship. The different stages come from different parts of ourselves.

Of course, what we’re describing here is emotional love. We’re talking about how to support our partners  emotions as best we can. In older posts, I’ve spoken about the differences between emotional love and eternal Love. I’ve also observed that we can’t really find love “out there” in another. If we’re going to Find Love, we’re only really going to find it inside ourselves. Only then will we have it to give in a real way.

That said, when in relationship we need to understand how our partner understands emotional love and we want to offer it accordingly. When we’re spiritually connected and rested enough, we’ll feel the love and energy flow directly between us. But in day-to-day life, we also need to refresh our partner every day emotionally in a way that connects, however we both are.

Our partners “language” is often not the same as our own. It may not even be a familiar or comfortable language for us to express.

Dr. Chapman describes 5 Love Languages:
1 – Words of Affirmation
2 – Quality Time
3 – Receiving Gifts
4 – Acts of Service
5 – Physical Touch (not to be confused with sex drive)

Each language has various “dialects” or forms a person may favour. He explored each language with a number of examples. The trick is in finding the primary language so we can consciously nourish  emotionally. For example, most of us will enjoy receiving gifts, even if they aren’t our primary language. But if we lack our primary language, eventually our “tank” empties. Gifts will then have no meaning. But if gifts are our primary language, they may have more importance to us than our partner recognizes.

I was surprised at this process. At first I thought mine was obvious. Then I realized it was an adopted one from my upbringing. Something that worked for me for giving in the past. My actual language I had resistance to and had once rejected. This is why the process was so potent for me. But I had to be open to how I was feeling during the process. Sticking to a story would have failed me.

It also became much clearer how a past relationship had ended. I was not able to identify and she didn’t know how to express what she needed. The language I did express actually conflicted with what she wanted.

Understanding what you need to feel emotionally supported in a relationship is a big deal. Only by being conscious of it will you be able to ask for it. Otherwise, your relationship is running on default behaviours that can drain you emotionally and end the relationship. It’s normal for someone to change and accidentally stop meeting your needs if they’re not apparent.

He made some other important points. We may have to relearn how to notice and express our feelings, otherwise we’re just reacting. He also reminds us that love is a choice. We cannot demand it but we can request it in the form we favour. He observed that for men, sex is a biological need whereas for women, desire is rooted in the emotions. Unless there’s an emotional connection, women can feel like sex-objects supplying a need. Thus sexual problems in a relationship are usually emotionally based.

Because many of us have experienced its lack, sometimes it’s easier to find our language in our deepest hurts. For example, criticism hits more deeply if our language is Words. Inversely, negative behaviour like nagging can be an expression of what we’re asking for. We may also demonstrate what we want by what we give. It can be very frustrating when everyone is working hard at giving but nothing meets anyones needs. The book goes through a number of ways to find and understand your and your mates primary emotional language. (see below)

And of course, our children, our co-workers, and our friends will also have an emotional language. In fact, I noticed how we’ll see it anywhere we’re making major decisions; anywhere our emotions are at play. He further explains how love supports our emotional sense of security, self-worth, and significance. Being conscious of something this fundamental is thus quite important to our well-being.

You probably won’t find everything in the book a happy read. You’ll see reflections of your own mistakes and weaknesses there. But also a means to keep both your mate and yourself happy in relationship, if you choose to.

The book is now available in various editions, including children’s, mens, singles, and so forth.

After writing this article, I discovered Dr. Chapman’s website. Funny to consider the first book came out before the web. The site includes an assessment tool; a little quiz to find your own “language”. It’s the kind of quiz where you need to be emotionally honest in your answers. If you give them your email address, they’ll send you the assessment. If you Skip that, you get the results on the web site anyway.

Further, the web site also mentions the 5 Languages of Apology. If you have trouble getting past mistakes with your partner, that may be illuminating.

Love is the way. What is the path?
Davidya

A Certain Future

In the second, or rather 5th Star Wars film, there’s a great exchange between Yoda and Luke:
Luke: I saw – I saw a city in the clouds.
Yoda: [nods] Friends you have there.
Luke: They were in pain…
Yoda: It is the future you see.
Luke: The future?
[pause]
Luke: Will they die?
Yoda: [closes his eyes for a moment] Difficult to see. Always in motion is the future.

And I thought the last line was “Always emotion is the future.” Well – it amounts to the same thing. Luke responds by abandoning his training and heads off to rescue his friends.

The point is that the future is very difficult to see. It’s perception is clouded by our own emotional attachment to certain outcomes. It’s also distorted by the change in consciousness. The future is currently in a higher stage than the present so it’s a little like trying to see what it’s like to be an adult when we’re 12. It’s outside of our conception.

Nonetheless, we continue to boldly step into an always uncertain future. To compensate, we listen to pundits pontificate about it. In fact, we pay forecasters a great deal of money to fail. In Future Babble: Why Expert Predictions Fail – And Why We Believe Them Anyway, journalist Dan Gardner explores this topic in a refreshing way. The core research comes from Philip Tetlock, a psychologist at the University of California. Tetlock determined that “experts” in any given field (he looks at many) were just slightly better at making predictions than a dart-throwing chimp! In addition, the more certain an expert is of an outcome and the bigger their profile, the less accurate the prediction was likely to be. Perhaps that makes you a little happier about your own derailed plans.

People talk all the time of predictions, forgetting how often they’re wrong: politics, economics, sports, relationships, and all the latest gossip. Gardner talks about why educated people make dumb predictions, how they rationalize their mistakes, and why we willingly get conned by the experts. The simple answer is certainty. We’re seeking certainty in a world of change so we go with the most confident voice with the best story. The more considered opinions who express cautions and limitations are ignored even when they’re usually more accurate.

We also tend to assume the future is a continuation of the present. I don’t know about you but it certainly hasn’t been in my life.(laughs) Does this mean we should give up and not do any planning? No, it just means we should be flexible and allow whats waiting to be born to reveal itself.

We’re bound to a certain future. But what that certainty is, I certainly don’t know.
Davidya

Concepts and Reality

As this blog has lots of concepts batted around, I though this quote from Ram Das would be a good reminder.

Most concepts tell only one-half of a Yin-Yang totality. For example, let’s take the concept, “God is omniscient and therefore must have seen everything in the first moment of the creation. Therefore everything is predestined, and there is no free will.” That concept we can call a Yin. It’s just a concept, so it’s not ultimately true, but it might be useful at a given moment or stage of life for someone. The balancing Yang might be, “We have free will and must use it wisely, because it is our own actions which determine our future.” Again, just a concept, but maybe useful in a given moment. The two might appear contradictory, but are actually complementary aspects of a huge truth, the Shiva & Shakti of the big picture, if you will. If you join the two concepts together, you might get a third concept which combines and transcends the first two. In this case, it might be, “The true Self is infinite formless Spirit, already and forever free, which is not involved in the realm of action, and therefore neither free will nor destiny have any meaning for what we really are.”

Sounds nice, but it’s important to remember that that too is only a concept, and if we think the concept is true, we create bondage for ourselves. The ego loves to have the answers. We love to think we know who we are, and what life is and what God is, and we’ll cling to a fundamentalist belief (even a fundamentalist Advaita belief) because we think it gives us security. With each “I know” brick we put in place, we think we are building a wall that will give us safety, but it isn’t long before we realize we’ve built our own prison cell and forgot to make a door. The mortar is always only our belief in the “I”, in the false personal identity that thinks it knows something.

This is not to say the ego is bad or that concepts are bad. Those are just more concepts. (laughs) In fact, our entire world could be said to be a concept, a means of Self to experience itself. The issue is only in believing or holding too closely to them.

Is it fun? There’s a good sign. 
Davidya

PS – you may also wish to explore the 5 Agreements

The Living Universe

I don’t know anything about Eligio or his Imagery process but I thought this experience was quite interesting.

“…I then felt myself being whisked off into the cosmos, further and further, beyond the sun, beyond our solar system, beyond the Milky Way. And even further until I was in the edge of the universe, and still further until I was at such vantage point that I could see the universe in its entirety. I was stunned by what I saw: the universe was alive! And it was a single organism of awesome complexity, but whole and totally integrated. I recognized that it was still in the stage of its early development, comparable to a fetus, still differentiating the various aspects of itself. I saw how everything that exists, including me and every being was a part of that awesome being. We were aspects of its components just like the various parts of own our being are aspects of who we are. I saw that everything that exists is part of a greater whole and that the whole requires every part in order to be fully who it is. Every part is essential. And out of this a harmony ensues.”…

“Every aspect of the Universe, including us, has a place of relationship with it. We are perhaps the only beings who think that we are somehow independent, not realizing that our most profound task is to remain aligned with the Universe, in relationship with this awesome, vast being. And that our own wholeness is vital for the wholeness of the Universe. And only in this way do we ultimately come to experience our own place of belonging in the Universe.”

~Eligio Stephen Gallegos PhD, “Into Wholeness: The Path of Deep Imagery”
www.esgallegos.com

What’s notable is that the human physiology can also be experienced to be the universe (Aham Vishvam) or a mirror or reflection thereof. In the Mahavakyas, I outline other layers to this. We can experience being the body of Nature (Devo Hum), containing all of its laws or devata. And we can experience being the Cosmic body (Aham Shrivhir), that which contains all of Nature and all of the universes. And finally, I am the Veda (Veda Hum), I am all knowledge which is the source and structure for all that follows.

Each layer both contains all the prior ones and can be said to be a reflection of the higher value. As above, so below. But it’s worth noting that this doesn’t mean that our human body, the universe or the Cosmic body look the same. Their expressions correspond to the laws at play and the way they’re experienced. The container also doesn’t look like the contents, just as a pail doesn’t look the water carried within.

Additionally, how the part appears in relation to the whole varies. He mentions how we as humans are an integral part of the universe. In the same way, we as points of observation are an integral part of  cosmic awareness.

We live and have our being in the the most profoundly magnificent creation, far beyond anything a human imagination could conjure up. And yet we are an intimate and key part of that. Without everything, there is no wholeness. It is wholly inclusive and total. We are inseparable from our unchangeable being.
Davidya

Simple, Simple

I’ve talked before about simplicity. At its essence life is simple. It will always take the most simple, direct and efficient route to get the job done. Thus, if we are seeking the right solution to a quandary, we can ask what is simple? Where is this simple? Is there an angle you can take to make it so?

Now, there is an aspect that complicates things. If the trend of our actions has not been aligned with simplicity, some corrective measures can be needed to bring things back aligned. Then will the main act unfold. A series of “situations” may arise in our life that are designed to adjust course. When there are several of these at once, it may seem our life has become complex and moved away from simplicity. The complexity however is only in the field of action, not in the flow of consciousness itself. And its only short-term corrections to create long-term smooth.

In addition, our individual desires may arise that compete with both the play of action and the unfolding fullness. Thus there is the flow, the field of action and our desires at play. Synced, it can be remarkable. Out of sync and we suffer. (curiously though we’re never really out of sync – only our perception is off)

The process is a little like when we turn on a garden hose and the debris gets washed to the side. If we’re absorbed in the debris, we will feel buffeted by change. But if we’re in the flow, we’ll experience apparent obstacles being removed. The same thing is happening. It’s just being seen from a different place.

Sometimes, we’ll find aspects of change that are less comfortable. Perhaps, for example, we like what showed up in our life but were less comfortable with how it showed up. Another point is that part of the efficiency of nature is its tendency to bring what’s needed only when it’s needed. ie: we experience it arriving at the last minute, past our comfort zone.

Even in the complexity of action, each aspect is simple. It’s only in the breadth of simple moves that we experience complexity. This reminds me of fractals. Highly complex perturbations said to map the underlying movement of nature and underly apparent chaos. Yet fractals arise from very simple formulae (relationships).

One helpful tip is to listen to how it feels. For one thing, feelings are closer to source. And as a friend said recently, the heart gets it much faster than the mind. What feels easy, smooth? The answer only awaits our listening. Although we do have to be alert to what’s resisting.

Keep it simple. (aka KISS)
Listen.
Feel.
Enjoy!
Davidya

The Bad Ego

There’s an important point about ego that came up in correspondence. In many spiritual circles, people demonize the ego. Even if the teacher doesn’t, the tendency is still there. Seekers tend to feel bad about being identified with it and try to resist its machinations. However, this effort actually keeps one enslaved. The intellect does the right/wrong, yes/no part but it’s just an innocent decider. It’s the ego that makes things wrong to make itself right. That blame tendency is the giveaway that the self-protecting ego is at work.

When we’re identified with the ego, any effort we make to overcome it is the ego as well. As the ego can enjoy conflict (a way of making itself right), it’s happy to fight with itself. It’s often one of the doh! moments on the journey when we realize we’ve been trying to overcome the ego with the ego. It will use everything to play its “safety” game, even using memories of spiritual experiences to pretend to be  spirit. Again, the giveaway is that spirit doesn’t blame or make wrong.

If we want to let go of something, the first thing we have to do is to stop fighting it. Let it be.

We need to understand that ego development is a natural part of human development. Our perspective evolves as the brain physiology develops. The principle is simple: we identify with our dominant edge of development. With a newborn, sense perception dominates. Then as desires come more on-line, they come to dominate (the terrible 2′s). Then progressively mind, intellect, feelings, and the ego unfold. You can see these stages illustrated in children and teens. Note that at each stage, the identification shifts further within to the latest development edge. We are our thoughts, then our choices, our feelings and then Me-ness. Piaget (Cognitive stages), Loevinger (Ego), Kohlberg (Moral), Fowler (Faith), and others have mapped the consequences in different areas of life.

We can also note that as the identification shifts, our experience becomes inclusive of the prior stages. While identified with the mind, for example, it contains our desires and perceptions but we no longer are them. (although we can have normal setbacks – this is an organic process)

Thus, ego development is a natural part of our development. What Maslow called self-actualization is a natural step in evolution. In that sense, a healthy self-concept is good. But the trick is then knowing how to transcend the ego and continue our development. Otherwise our evolution gets stuck there. Then ego can become unhealthy and develop a protectionist attitude. Our quality of life suffers.

As we experience pure consciousness or samadhi, our edge of identification begins to shift to our new edge of development. If the ego has stagnated and become protectionist, it sees this as a threat to its well-being and can play the trickster. We may spend a little time in conceptual loops, attempting to outwit ourselves and succeeding. (laughs)

But with continued practice, at a certain point our identification shifts from the ego me into the cosmic Self or Atman. We surrender our association with the ego. This shift of identification is generally known as Self Realization or Cosmic Consciousness.

But that shift does not end the ego at all, although we can experience a sense of “ego death.” As the poem below illustrates, the stories (of the ego) continue. They just come to dominate less and less. There is a tendency for the ego to try to retake control after what Adyashanti calls the “honeymoon.” But eventually it surrenders its dominance completely just as we eventually learn not to be overshadowed by our desires. Well, mostly at least. 

The easiest and smoothest way for this transition to happen is if the bliss of flowing consciousness is prominent in awareness. How quickly that takes place is more a function of sattva or purity than Self awareness, hence the value of good diet and routine. (unforced) Joseph Campbell’s famous advice to “follow your bliss” is excellent on so many levels.

Your very life is born of happiness. That serves as one of the best clues to what deserves your attention.
Enjoy!
Davidya

Where stories surrender sweetly

Generally, when I quote other blogs, I just except them and link to the rest of the content. But poems loose something if you break them up. Here is one, intact, from Ameeta Kaul.

We are bigger
than the stories
of ourselves
so dear to our hearts

For years
and even lifetimes
we are bound
by and in our stories

For years
and even lifetimes
we dance together
in each other’s stories

Holding each other back
in a common pact
we stick to our stories
and limit our lives

Only one of us
needs let go
of his story
and we are all freed

Freed of the future
and freed of the past
Freed of the pretense
Freed at last

Only one of us
needs let go
of her story
and we are all freed

Freed to hold
stories still
but in our laps
like dear children
without believing
their tales
of monsters under our beds
or Santa in his sled

Grieve not
for lost stories
rather rejoice
in the space
they leave behind
space for existing stories
to breathe easier
and live lighter
till they too
surrender sweetly
to the pulsating emptiness
waiting to turn a new page

Grieve not
for lost bonds
for the only bonds
that can be lost
are in passing stories
rather rejoice
in the truth
where nothing is lost
where love resides
and the one cannot be torn from itself

Ameeta Kaul
miraszblog.blogspot.com
The blog is full of such works…

Remembering Dharma

In the past when I’ve spoken on Dharma, I generally translated it as Purpose. For example, in the traditional 4 Levels of Purpose (Universal, community, life period, and personal).

However, on a deeper level, Dharma is that which sustains. It is in sustaining that our purpose can unfold. Dharma maintains a balance between creative and destructive forces, thus upholding creation. For example, when we act positively, we experience positive results (karma) but this throws off the balance. Dharma responds with feelings of satisfaction, restoring balance. This is the essence of evolution. (Bucky Fuller talked of Action, Reaction, and Resultant, a triangle)

Everything is happening in an eternal now. But this is more a reflection of how God perceives, all at once. We as humans are a reflection of a single point of awareness, of awareness becoming aware of itself at a single point. From a point, we see one point at a time. (Bucky Fuller called this Special Case) We experience a sequence of individual points incrementally as a sequence of experiences, like a movie. The effect of this we call time. Thus, we experience the unfolding of our being in a systematic way, sequentially in steps.

For this process to be able to happen, time and space must continue. This introduces a fascinating aspect of totality: memory.

When Self recognizes itself fully, it leaves an impression within its eternal structure. This is known as Smriti or memory. When intelligence takes a direction or intention arises, it does so on the foundation of this memory. This has the effect of sustaining or Dharma. Dharma functions on the level of eternal Being. We could say it is the hand of God in our lives. Put another way, Prakriti (Nature) takes the next step on the basis of the last. Each step comes built on the memory of the last step and the memory of prior unfoldment.

Let’s look at it another way. Creation or expression arises from an impulse or intention. Physics talks of virtual fluctuations in the unified field. But you’ll note here there is an impulse, then it falls back within itself. The vast majority of impulses do just that, like a passing thought. But some continue.
What’s the difference? Memory. Some impulses are remembered and some are recalled from memory. This sustains that impulse.

Without this sustaining or Vedic principle of Vishnu (Rama, Krishna, etc.), all expression would cease again and there would be no playground or forum for experiences to unfold, for a process or evolution.

Thus Dharma is that which sustains and that which allows the unfoldment of who we are. Memory is the mechanism of Dharma. Of course, this is not memory in the sense of what you had for breakfast. That is a pale reflection of the eternal memory within consciousness itself. Smriti memory is beyond all expression. In fact it is the source of Veda (knowledge). Without this memory, eternal knowledge would be lost. Instead, it is only forgotten and remembered again.

There is quite a bit more that could be said. This process is the foundation of perception and brain functioning. It is memory that sustains you forward, lifetime to lifetime. It is the memory that brings creation back after dissolution and sustains it for its duration. Without it, it would be like God had Alzheimer’s: no knowledge, no enlightenment.

We could say evolution is a process of remembering. Remembering what is everlasting.
Davidya