Isha Judd

Periodically, I’ve mentioned Isha here. She’s shifted to calling herself Isha Judd, probably to differentiate herself from another guru and some models.

While her main web site stays the same, she’s shifted her blog and YouTube channels to reflect the name.

Blog:
http://ishajudd.blogspot.com/

On Youtube: (not all videos have been moved)
http://www.youtube.com/user/ishajudd

She also posts articles on Huntington Post and Care2 which don’t all seem to be linked from the blog. The blog does cover events and such more.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/isha
http://www.care2.com/greenliving/author/isha

If you follow her work, you’ll need to update feeds and subscriptions.

Retreating

In July ’08, I went on 2 retreats – 5 days with Lorne and Lucia followed by a week in silence with Gangaji. In the year since, I’ve been on a bunch of video-conferenced day retreats and some local satsangs, but not a full retreat.

Next weekend, I’ll be going on a 4 day retreat on the prairies with Lorne and Lucia. These are very profound retreats. For example, it feels like it’s already begun. As the various awake and close-to-awake put their attention on the event, its presence builds. Already, people from a distance have begun their journey. The coming together of Self spills the boundaries of time.

It’s also a special retreat as Lorne and Lucia have sold the farm and are moving west. Their landing point is unknown so it may be awhile before another.

I also quite enjoy the retreats as I know many of the people, some for over 30 years. So it’s a time to see old friends too. Old friends who are completing their life’s purpose.

Its a beautiful thing.
Davidya

The Calll Retreat web site

Other links I have here

Solidity

One of the more curious things in the awakening process is the dawning of solidity. For a time during the process, we can seem to be stepping into increasing levels of abstraction. The once apparently solid world becomes seen as a dream, then as flowing light, then as consciousness itself. The sense of self shifts from what may seem grounded and in control into a void or space. An emptiness or a fullness. But a no-thing in any case.

As we go deeper into the clarity of it and the inner and outer come together, there is a new aspect that begins to dawn. A solidity. The amorphous self and world come together into a “rock”. What better way to describe an unchanging, permanent reality? Only this solidity is more solid than any rock you might have met.

It does not weather with age. The mountain is never moved nor rock skipped. It is more real than anything of the changeable world science calls ‘relativity’.

Imagine the silent stillness of the depths of the ocean. No breath or thought is heard. Just complete stillness.

Everything that happens, happens within that stillness. And the stillness remains unmoved.
Solid.
Davidya

Selfless, Soulless Being

Recently, Tom Stine posted a quote on Buddha’s teachings. He did not state his own position on the quote and did not open comments. In discussion on prior posts there, we’ve discussed if this is the highest perspective. But positions change as awareness does. (laughs)

The quote:

“Buddhism stands unique in the history of human thought in denying the existence of a Soul, Self or Atman. According to the teachings of the Buddha, the idea of self is an imaginary, false belief which has no corresponding reality, and it produces harmful thoughts of ‘me’ and ‘mine’, selfish desire, craving, attachment, hatred, ill-will, conceit, pride, egoism, and other defilements, impurities and problems. It is the source of all troubles in the world from personal conflicts to wars between nations. In short, to this false view can be traced all the evil in the world.”

—- What the Buddha Taught by Walpola Rahula

I have several things to say about this as it points to what I consider one of the most important ideas to overcome. But first I’d like to place the discussion in context. Siddhartha Buddha or Gautama was clearly a great teacher who had a profound awakening. His teachings became today’s Buddhism, although they were not written until some 400 years after his passing.

What is not clear is if the teachings of today have been misunderstood or if Buddha’s awakening was a very clear and complete Sat Chit Ananda. The teachings of virtually every teacher have experienced some form of distortion so this could certainly be an element.

Sat Chit Ananda is what I usually call the complete form of Self realization, although it’s a poor term in this context. Cosmic consciousness (CC) is another. I am certainly not an expert in Buddhism but the teachings sound like a form of CC. In CC, the ego has been lost and the silence regained. In this case, the silence is not seen as Self but rather no-self. Some teachers have suggested Buddha achieved a high state of realization but that only Vedanta, Zen and Tantra speak of full unity.

Even within the Vedas, there is much that does not explore full unfoldment outside of Vedanta or the “end of the Veda”. Vedanta includes the Upanishads and such sayings as “I am That, Thou art That, All This is That.” As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, this in some ways describes the typical process of discovery as well. CC is the first phrase, although Buddha would not use “I am”.

Back to the quote. First thing is that “the idea of self is an imaginary, false belief” that produces suffering and evil. I fully agree. This is how I define the small or ego self.

However, this is not the same as Soul, Self or Atman and does not make them nonexistent, simply unseen. To understand this, first we need to look at definitions. Sometimes Atman is indeed translated as soul. But soul is not ego. I think it is better understood that soul is the spark of divinity within. The battery that powers life. Atman is what might be called the supreme or universal soul. And Brahman, the one.

People experience the localized soul visually as a bright golden and white light, as a wave on the ocean of being, and as a collapsing point of infinity.

Thus, part of the evolutionary process is typically the discovery of one’s soul or spiritual self, then one’s Soul becomes seen as Atman or universal. Then Atman becomes seen as none other than Brahman. These discoveries are related to but may or may not happen with awakenings.

As I talked about in Neti Neti, it is a perfectly valid experience to see the world as an illusion, loose the ego self and settle into the “void” or “no-self”, the not me. The small self has been seen through. However, in this perspective, the inner silence or Brahman has not been seen as Self. The small self has not dissolved into Self but rather has simply ended.

For people with an effortless meditation where they have experienced inner silence regularly, I would guess they are less likely to see the silence as void or no-self long term. But everyone’s journey is unique.

The trouble with seeing no-self as the ultimate experience is that it leaves out the best ‘parts’. The entire field of divinity is missing. I understand Buddhism also rejects God realization although I have seen some forms of Buddhism display various portraits of the heavens. But without the awakened heart, this still leaves one within creation, within the dream of God. We may have transcended the dream of the individual but not the last Maya. And we remain with only an inner unity, outside the unity of Self and the world.

On the other hand, there will undoubtedly be people who step straight past this and thus have no sign-posts to relate to this outlook. Awakening is after all without rules. This may be the exception the Buddha followed.

From a typical awakening perspective, cosmic consciousness is the kindergarten of what is possible. If we spend a precious human life in the local joy of awakening, we will miss the potential of bringing the world into that joy. This is why I harp on the point. The journey is about awakening everything, not a me.

Also, I cannot begin to emphasize how much more profound being is than “just” absolute bliss. (laughs)

It’s unimportant if you agree or understand any of this. What is important is that you allow for the possibility that awakening is not an event but a process. The awakening of the soul is profoundly important, felt throughout being. But it is a graduation into the kindergarten of reality. We should not stop looking or stop moving into the depths of being.

The deeper we go, the more profound it is for everything.
Davidya

Opening and Integration

In Visions into Dust, I touched on the cycle of growth again: balance, disintegration, growth, integration, and repeat. From recent remarks here and offline, it sounds like it would be useful to touch on what is meant by the terms.

Many people have the idea that awakening is something sudden and complete. While this is true in certain ways and circumstances, for most people it is a process like all other forms of human development.

Let’s use the example of Self-realization or cosmic consciousness. This is the shift from an ego perspective where we are a person who has some experiences of transcendence into a perspective of an independent observer, witnessing a person. In other words, we shift from a person experiencing Self to Self experiencing a person.

The actual awakening or shift takes just an instant, one moment of deep surrender to what is. We “pop.” (laughs) The illusion of being a separate me ends.

But this is not the whole story of awakening. Not in the slightest. It’s like being born is to adulthood.

Balance
As the pattern illustrates, we start from a point of balance or homeostasis. We’re settled into a perspective on life that’s working for us. Typically, what I would call Special, where the individual is the dominant perspective. Ego has reached it’s zenith.

Disintegration
And then along comes the seeker. Something inside stirs and we experience a restlessness, a desire for more and deeper. Perhaps we have some powerful experiences or openings. We begin  a process of self examination and review and will typically take on some sort of spiritual teaching or journey. We find something that connects us to deeper aspects of ourselves. We do the work, clearing our resistance and stories and letting go of the perspective that used to be dominant. Dissolving the ego.

Growth
This clearing progresses and we begin to have increasing expansion, a wider understanding, deeper feelings, greater peace, and so forth. At some point, we let go deeply enough and the pin that held it together slips and we awaken. This is not to say we awaken due to our efforts but rather, the time comes where Self wishes to experience more directly. Grace descends. Self awakens to Itself. (Self it turns out was organizing it all in the first place.)

Integration
But this does not mean the cycle is complete. No goal has been reached. Just another milestone on the journey. That inner shift in perspective must now be stabilized and integrated with the rest of the experience. Stuff left over from the disintegration and growth stages will continue to be processed. As Adyashanti observes, mind may try to come back into control. And there is usually a great deal more deepening of the perspective.

Often, Self realization begins with a sense of freedom or release. Liberation! As it stabilizes, an enduring peace dawns. And finally, a deep inner bliss unfolds that is permanent. You are always more happy than you ever thought possible before. This is Sat Chit Ananda or absolute bliss consciousness. The fully integrated awakening.

Of course, it’s rarely all that tidy. How much is left over to clear after awakening varies widely. While we’re busy tidying up, the stages of God Realization and Unity have begun to unfold with their own disintegrations.

Each stage brings with it a major change in perspective along with other smaller shifts. For example, in the Unity shift, it can unfold in discrete steps. The release of the inner grip of fear. The loss of separation from inside and outside – All becomes one. Then the sense of identity ends leaving the person with no name. ‘Me’ or ‘I’ have become meaningless concepts. And then we awaken from the dream of God, the illusion of everything ends, dissolving into Oneness.

This is a profound and astonishingly beautiful process but entails a whole series of major changes in any sort of conceptual framework you may use in being in the world that seems to have ceased. Soon, the experience comes more and more together and the true inclusiveness of unity dawns. This is another integration.

As it is the end of all illusion, it is the dawning of the true nature of reality. And we haven’t even touched on all the stuff between realizations.

It’s also worth noting how totally natural and normal this is. While profound, it is not unlike shifts we experienced when we were younger – becoming a teenager or adult. Only this time without so much drama. (laughs)
Davidya

Being Nice to the Ego

Recently, local coach Penny Boyd interviewed Genpo Roshi. In a little over an hour, they explore a number of facets of Genpo’s history and approach, Big Mind Big Heart. His web site refers to this as “Western Zen” although it deviates from traditional Zen in practice and potency.

The interview:
http://www.audioacrobat.com/play/W1Q32npk

In his teaching, Genpo speaks of directly addressing the “voices” of higher or “Big” mind, beyond small self. He more recently realized that every aspect has a mature and an immature voice. When it becomes more healthy and mature, it serves better. He gave the example of how anger can mature into ruthless “male” compassion. Tough love, as it were. Another example is the ego.

But first, a little definition. I use the term “ego” to mean the mental concept of being separate. Ego gathers stories or concepts that supports it’s beliefs. It is driven by emotional drivers that energize the stories into dramas. And beneath that, the core identity and it’s grip of fear. Much of this is sub-conscious or unconscious. I describe this together as the “person” or 3 am-ego’s. Our unique expression. But this description would be the immature person. (I separate them out as this is how they are often experienced as we clear them)

The mature person has lost this idea of separation, the dramas, and the grip of fear that divides ‘me’ from the world. But they have not lost the story. There is still a back story to their life or they would cease to be in the world. It is the story that calls us into being and sustains our life. Our purpose if you like. I’ve tended to emphasize the getting rid of aspect but Genpo takes another look.

In this context, Genpo uses ‘ego’ the way I use ‘person’. And he makes a potent observation. Many people, including his own Zen teachers, work to get rid of the ego or disown it. He suggests we don’t want to piss off the ego or we’ll get into a “scramble for control.”

He observes that the ego also wants to be egoless. Who else would be wanting it? But it is the egos greatest fear to loose itself. This is the core conflict within many spiritual journeys. Ironically, it is also a battle for control with itself. The mature with the immature. We can reduce this fear by being nice to the ego and letting it grow, transcending itself into it’s mature form. The person without bondage.

How can one have an ego and be egoless? He explains this with his way of describing unity, the “apex” of a triangle*, when the world of the ego and Self come together. I can also note as above that the idea and fear of separation end, thus allowing the person to exist within the larger Self without conflict.

This ending of the idea of separation is what gives the sense of “ego death” often described. It is the end of the ego as I define it, not the end of the person. Although it can sometimes feel like that at first. (laughs)

A useful reminder and perspective. The interview is just over an hour if you’d like to hear the whole thing.

Speaking of perspective, he also comments on the value of being mindful of shifting perspective, noticing when we’re changing where we’re looking from and altering how we’re looking if necessary. For example, when we change from mature to immature ego, from seeker into tribal. It can at least help us see why we’re choosing a specific kind of reaction.
Davidya

* it’s worth noting that a triangle apex is more literal than it may seem. The intention of a person rises out of infinity into a point.

The Avoidance of Pain

Our physiology is built to avoid pain. If we put our finger on something sharp or hot, it will automatically pull away. Only later will our mind engage and consider the experience. Have an emotional reaction. Tell a story about it.

In a similar way, we learn to avoid emotional pain. But if we learn to avoid pain with resistance, we are falling into a trap. Rather than stepping out of a painful circumstance, we are in effect resisting resistance. Fighting fire with fire. The response becomes more difficult than the pain we were trying to avoid.

This is where doing our ‘work’, clearing our baggage and stories is so valuable. We avoid pain by learning not to avoid. Learning to deal with it as it is. Simple. But why is this hard to learn?

The controller. The ego is driven to avoid the pain of being wrong with a drive to be right. The reason for this drive is because ego knows that if it is seen wrong clearly enough, it will be questioned for what it is and will cease. The ego thus discovers that learning to let go of things is dangerous.

While we may think survival of the body is the root of fear, it is not. It is survival of the ego. The core sense of identity or me is the source of fear. The grip is born and with it, fear, denial and resistance. The body itself is fearless. One can experience physical pain without fear. It is the emotional response that brings fear, when the story engages.

When the ego is in charge it will put itself first. It’s own sense of control and story about the world. It will push against or play games with dealing with ones ‘stuff’. In some cases, it is even willing to sacrifice a life to save itself. This is the root of violence.

When emotional pain is more than comfortable, we shift into storage mode. Putting the pain aside to deal with later when the threat has ended. These storage locations are energetic “dead” zones, various crusts, knots, or other energetic resistance in some area of the body or environment. We store them in possessions, in our emotional body, and our physical body.

Because these energy barriers make awareness foggier, the ego often finds this a suitable technique for staying safe. It stirs the drama and will culture emotional and physical pain to keep the attention distracted. It will crank up the story to keep us preoccupied. As biologists have demonstrated, we get stupid when we’re afraid.

This background of resistance and fear becomes the “clouds” that cover our true nature, the source of our love, happiness, creativity, clarity, even the energy that runs it all.

Don’t believe me? Just look at the grip in peoples lives. If you listen for a moment, they will tell you their story, their epic tales of struggle. Their houses overflowing with shoulds. Lists of failed dreams. Lives of quiet desperation. Stress related illness are common. It’s normal to need coffee to function or a drink to cope. Hot buttons of touchy sensitivity. Finances deeply in the red. News media full of empty fear and blame. Look how traumatic it is to downsize or let go of possessions.

Or try this. Ask them when they were last really happy. And you?

We deaden ourselves by going into zombie modes like a rote life of work, sleep and TV. We run on auto-pilot with all of our responses to life as pre-programmed habits. Regurgitating the same stories about what’s wrong and who’s to blame. Or distract ourselves with excess – shopping, alcohol, drugs, food – all those things we might call addictive or escapist. Even some “spiritual” people live in a big house of pain avoidance, telling a story of light and love. We forget what we love.

Ironically, what we’re running from is ourselves. And the fear of pain. More ironically, the fear we have of the pain is worse than the pain itself. Unfaced, it is permanent, like a great weight or shadow on our life. The pain once seen is momentary or brief. This is the difficulty we face in awakening. Seeing through all the drama and stories the ego has created. Most ironically of all, to protect itself from suffering.

Awakening itself is simple. It is just seeing who we already are. Under the story.
Davidya

Visions into Dust

There is an aspect of the waking process, the way of growth of consciousness, that is important to understand. That experiences all turn to dust.

One aspect of this is the simple fact that experiences are temporary and of the moment. As soon as the experience is past, it is a memory. It is the past. And when memory becomes part of a story, it is always revisionist. Subject to change.

Any attempt to hold the experience is just manipulating a memory and it soon morphs into a story about a memory rather than an actual experience. If instead we release the experience, we become open for something related to return.

On several occasions I’ve talked about the cycle of growth and development. Balance, disintegration, growth, integration, and repeat. What might be called “spiritual experiences” tend to take place in the growth stage. This is why it is often called expansion, opening and other such words.

But there is another aspect to this cycle that is not as obvious and may be confusing when it’s being experienced. Within any given stage is other cycles. A growth stage includes it’s own cycle of disintegration, growth and reintegration.

What we may experience is that the opening itself kicks up some dust or creates a space into which old dramas, karma, or resistance rushes. We go from a great vision or happiness into a murky fog.

The net result is that we may experience what can seem like devolution after what seemed like great experiences. A nice clear step forward, followed by a shadowing or reduced clarity. This increases the contrast and perception of what seems ‘lost’.

Sometimes, our life may even seem to be dominated by larger cycles of clarity and shadow.

This is a natural part of the process and indicates it’s working. It’s happening. This is why we release experiences that arise – both ‘good’ and ‘bad’. And it’s why we don’t give any of it too much heed. It’s not the experiences that are important in and of themselves but rather the process that is occurring.

This is not to say we should expect things to get cloudy if we have a sunny day. Only that we should not be surprised.

If we have a particularly large swing in either direction, we may feel a need for some extra rest. If so, take it. It can help move into integration more quickly. To clear the clouds that have arisen.

It’s all part of the process…
Davidya

The Blogger’s Debate

I’ve talked here before about the curiosity of the path. A blog like this talks about the process of awakening. As words are symbols for concepts, any such discussion or writing is inherently mental. While it may “resonate” on a deeper level with some, for many it is an exercise in comparing “best concepts”.

As concepts are a barrier to awakening, why is there a calling to present ideas at all? Why not just talk like Nisgardatta or Ramana Maharishi?

The subject came up in a discussion in comments over on Takuin’s blog on Are You More than Experience? As there are many comments, I’ve excerpted the key exchange.

Kaushik:

…Any words I come up with seem to do with clever distinctions of experience versus experiencer versus experiencee and getting into the jabber of spirituality or non-duality–both of which are becoming tiresomely trite and repetitive.

We don’t remember good experiences and forget the bad–in fact the reverse. We can’t let go of many experiences. As Davidya points, we remember what fits the ego’s stories, good or bad.

——————

Takuin:

Thanks Kaushik,

So in other words, these stories help to solidify ourselves further. It brings more weight to the belief in our own existence, and we can look in the mirror and say, “YES, I am a real person experiencing this or that.”

I can feel some sympathy for those seeking. They hope to see beyond the self, through manipulation of the self.

Hopeless.

——————

Kaushik:

You make an important point.

When we are unconscious, we live by stories. When we come to awakening, we live by stories–the stories change to the beautiful concepts of spirituality and clever and pithy sayings and levels of consciousness–essentially it’s the story of how the ‘me’ is advancing spiritually. It’s an obstacle of course.

But what’s the choice. In the absence of a ’spontaneous’ awakening, when we have the insight that we are not me, what choice is there but to use techniques and pointers to help us see.

——————

Davidya:

Thanks for your thoughts, Kaushik.

It’s the debate that exists behind blogging about awakening. You saw my article on the benefits of “Concept Fatigue“. (laughs)

If we consider some teachers of yore, they used things like parables and stories to explain. While these built stories, they were better stories, closer to truth.

I suppose that’s where the idea of Maya evolving into a ladder comes to. The stories, experiences, and visions are not the truth but can take us closer, to a place where we can shed them and step into it.

It is the play in its essence.

The ideas we have and the story we tell ourselves about the world are both the barrier to being and the means of our being to discover itself. The barrier and the ladder. The obstacle and the means. It is all in our relationship to it. Is it a prison or a play, a trap or an escape.

It’s certainly a fascinating process.
Davidya

Concept Fatigue

If you’ve been exploring spiritual circles for any period of time, you may get a little tired of hearing words like “unity”, “enlightenment”, and “oneness”. Ideas like “awareness” and “existence”. Not to mention all the oft-used superlatives like “extraordinary” and “astonishing”. The list goes on and on. Pick the theme of most posts on this blog. (laughs)

In “Questioning the Common Phrase“, Takuin explores why he questions such terms. How a person may be well read and have mastered the concepts of being one. But how that must be questioned and cast aside for one to actually be it.

Thinking “I am One” has NOTHING to do with being it. As I’ve outlined elsewhere, true oneness is several states of consciousness removed from an ego-driven state. It cannot even be comprehended by the mind as it is transcends even the mind of God.

One of the things that can motivate a review is concept fatigue. We reach a point where we begin to see through the ideas and reject them. We begin to outgrow the teaching we have so carefully studied. If we don’t see that right away, that old seekers restlessness arises and we tire of what once inspired us.

At that point, some people will step off the quest. They’ll find it pointless and let it go. Perhaps take a sabbatical. Or seek a better teaching. A few turn quite negative about the whole thing. But some will catch the drift of where it’s going. That there is something deeper to spirituality than a bunch of ideas, however enticing a teacher or teaching is.

That’s when some real magic can happen. Not being held so much any more, our house of cards can really crumble. Inquiry can go very deep.

While words can point you in the direction of what is true, in the end all of us must see for ourselves. But we have to look without glasses.
Davidya